The Best Time to Write Your Life Story Is Now

by Linda Abbott

A show of hands, please, for everyone who:

• Survived Covid and Hurricane Ian.

• Has children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

• Loves to learn about their ancestors on Ancestry.com.

I suspect that in my imaginary room, more than 90 percent of hands went up. Now here’s where it gets interesting.

How many of you have captured and preserved your memories and stories for your loved ones and future generations, or made your personal legacy a pillar of your estate planning?

Not seeing many hands; that’s a problem, and here’s why.

I believe one of the biggest mistakes people make in their retirement and estate planning has nothing to do with money. The mistake is not bequeathing their non-financial assets—family history, wisdom, beliefs, and values with their loved ones and future generations.

I learned the hard way that life can change in a nanosecond. On a beautiful September day in 2009, my 74-year-old father—a hard-working, vibrant, and healthy (or so we thought) man—died suddenly of a heart attack. The idea of writing down all of the entertaining and heartfelt stories he regaled us with for decades had never occurred to me because, apparently, I assumed he’d be around for years.

Since then, I’ve met dozens of people with similar experiences. When I tell them I write life stories, they say wistfully, “I wish I would have met you two years ago.” Or three years ago. And then they tell me about their beloved grandmother, grandfather, mom, or dad, who passed away, and all the cherished memories and family history that they took with them. Their regret is profound.

Interest in family history increases as we age. A retired successful entrepreneur once told me, "When I was younger and building my business, I didn't have time to think about my family history. Now I do, but there's no one left to ask." His regret was profound.

So my message to the world is this: Now is the time.

The stories we share about our lives—our challenges and achievements, hopes and dreams, values and beliefs—connect us more deeply to one another.  They can be powerful motivators to our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  And seniors and retirees find the journey filled with joy, love, and laughter.

Don’t be daunted by the task. You don’t have to write a 100-page book or finish it in a few weeks. You don’t even have to sit at the computer and stare at a blank screen. Starting can be as easy as taking out your cell phone and recording voice memos. Here are some ways to get started:

• Talk to your family and friends; they will remember stories and people you haven’t thought of in years. This part can be really fun! Your trip down Memory Lane is a terrific opportunity to reconnect with your children, grandchildren, family, and old friends.

• Immerse yourself in the past. Take out old photo albums and watch vintage family movies. These “memory sparks” will help you recall more of the past.

• Throw out the rule book. Your life story can be as long or as short as you like. If you draw a blank about where to start, you don’t have to start at the beginning. Instead, share a story you love to tell, something familiar.

You’ll never regret taking the first step on this journey, and your loved ones will cherish the thoughts and remembrances you leave behind.

Linda Abbott is the founder of Never Forget Legacies and splits her time between Bonita Springs and Middleton, Wisconsin.

One of the Biggest Mistakes People Make in Estate Planning Has Nothing To Do with Money

by Linda Abbott

On a recent walk, I saw a park bench with a plaque honoring a mom and dad who recently passed away. Thinking about this married couple touched my heart; the bench was a gift from their children. In a secluded spot on a beautiful pond, I sat there, enjoying nature, the birds, wildflowers, and took in the moment.

As an author who writes life stories, of course, I wanted to know more about them. I wondered if they had captured and preserved their cherished memories, beliefs, and wisdom. I hoped so because if they did, their children and loved ones would treasure having this enduring legacy. If not, sadly, all of that family history is lost.

Many families just have a park bench. Or their name on a building or a scholarship. There's nothing wrong with that. But I believe one of the biggest mistakes people make in estate planning has nothing to do with money. It's not taking the time to create and share their personal legacy with their children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and future generations.

"CEOs and business leaders often think their legacy is about giving away money," said Ari Galper, CEO and Founder, Trusted Authority, and author of Unlock the Sales Game.

"But the story of their journey is never captured and shared,” Galper said. “A legacy book isn't an ego thing. It's a deeply personal gift to themselves and their families. It's about reflecting on their life and taking stock of all they've accomplished, the sacrifices they made, and the beliefs that powered them through."

If the thought of writing a book is overwhelming, an ethical will—also called a legacy letter—is an excellent way to convey your values and beliefs to your children and grandchildren. Despite its name, an ethical will is not a legal document. Ethical wills also are written to express hopes, dreams, and blessings to present and future generations. A great resource is Ethical Wills, Putting Your Values on Paper, by Barry K. Baines.

The stories we share about our lives—our challenges and achievements, hopes and dreams, values and beliefs—connect us more deeply to one another. People find the journey filled with joy, love, and laughter. Many baby boomers and retirees understand that their personal legacy is one of the most valuable assets they will pass on to their loved ones. This is especially true as they grow older and gain a renewed appreciation for the bedrock beliefs and values that guided them through good times and bad.

One thing is clear: Whether it's an heirloom legacy book, a transcript of voice memos on your smartphone, a heartfelt letter, or a scrapbook with snippets of memories and vintage photos, your children and future generations will cherish the thoughts and remembrances you leave behind.

Every Life Has a Story to Tell. What’s Yours?

Linda Abbott will present “The Joy of Life Story Writing” at 2 p.m. on Tuesday, January 17, 2023, at the Bonita Springs Public Library, 10560 Reynolds Street.  A Q&A follows the free 45-minute program. 

Abbott will share tips, tools, and resources to help individuals write their life stories or capture and preserve the memories of an elderly loved one.  Participants also will learn about techniques such as memory sparks and timelines to recall more of the past.

“Writing your life story is a wonderful journey filled with memories, joy and laughter,” said Abbott, founder of Never Forget Legacies & Tributes.  “A life story book is the gift of a lifetime to our loved ones.”

For more information or to register call the library at 239-533-4860.

The Best Gift You’ll Ever Get Mom

Another Mother’s Day is upon us. No matter how much we love our mothers or look forward to celebrating the day, a perennial worry sprouts like the first daffodils of spring: what to get Mom? And even though she says she doesn’t want anything and is happy with a visit or call, a slender thread of guilt prompts us to start The Search.

True, some people are born with a genetic disposition for buying the perfect gift but most of us aren’t so lucky. We’re doomed to repeat the trek to the mall, wandering around the pricey perfume counters like nomads in a retail jungle or we venture off to Barnes & Noble, where, with a latte in hand, we peruse countless books, rejecting one after another unsure of mom’s literary predilections . . . will she really like it? Few things pass the test, because the truth of the matter is that in addition to not really wanting anything, Mom doesn’t really need anything. Yet the pressure mounts as we click our way through page after page of online bouquets, credit card in hand.

But there’s a way out of this annual ritual, a way to give your mother a present she’ll treasure forever because it doesn’t come from a store, it comes from your heart. And you can do it with a minimum of expense right in the comfort of her own living room.

The gift I’m talking about is taking the time to capture and preserve the story of her life—her childhood, marriage and family, career, achievements, what she fought for and what she believes in—in sum what makes her the incredibly special person that she is.

Sharing her story celebrates and honors her life, and ensures that ten, twenty or even fifty years from now her life and legacy will not be forgotten. Another plus: she’ll very likely enjoy the journey. Research shows that reminiscing is a therapeutic activity especially in older adults that is joyful and gives life new meaning.

This project requires a big shift in gears from daily life. It’s so easy to get caught up in the here and now: texts, tweets, Facebook, email, cell phone apps that we tend to lose sight of the fact—and let’s face it, no one ever wants to think about this—our moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas won’t be around forever. Memories fade, things change. Know this, and move forward. Here’s a few tips to help you get started.

First talk to your mom and decide on format: a book, DVD or audio CD are some options. Books are my favorite because they’ve endured for centuries. Draft a list of interview questions and put some time into this, because the questions are important in shaping the story. An excellent resource for interview questions is Linda Spencer’s book, Legacy.

Schedule a time for the interviews. Two hours is a good length for one session, many life stories require four or more. Get your children involved by asking them about their favorite memories of Grandma. Keep in mind this is a project you can work on for as long as you need to. (It can be next year’s present too!) The goal isn’t the finish line, the goal is to start the process.

Transcribe your interviews and print out a backup copy. Gather photos. If you’re doing a book, edit and organize the material but keep the narration in your mom’s voice. Blurb is a great online platform for life story books, or you can order custom books from a local book bindery.

So there you have it. No more chasing around, wandering down store aisles or web surfing looking for the perfect gift. This Mother’s Day, grab a digital recorder, put on a pot of coffee, pull up a comfy chair and have a long chat with Mom. You’ll never regret it and neither will she.

—by Linda Abbott