One of the Biggest Mistakes People Make in Estate Planning Has Nothing To Do with Money

by Linda Abbott

On a recent walk, I saw a park bench with a plaque honoring a mom and dad who recently passed away. Thinking about this married couple touched my heart; the bench was a gift from their children. In a secluded spot on a beautiful pond, I sat there, enjoying nature, the birds, wildflowers, and took in the moment.

As an author who writes life stories, of course, I wanted to know more about them. I wondered if they had captured and preserved their cherished memories, beliefs, and wisdom. I hoped so because if they did, their children and loved ones would treasure having this enduring legacy. If not, sadly, all of that family history is lost.

Many families just have a park bench. Or their name on a building or a scholarship. There's nothing wrong with that. But I believe one of the biggest mistakes people make in estate planning has nothing to do with money. It's not taking the time to create and share their personal legacy with their children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and future generations.

"CEOs and business leaders often think their legacy is about giving away money," said Ari Galper, CEO and Founder, Trusted Authority, and author of Unlock the Sales Game.

"But the story of their journey is never captured and shared,” Galper said. “A legacy book isn't an ego thing. It's a deeply personal gift to themselves and their families. It's about reflecting on their life and taking stock of all they've accomplished, the sacrifices they made, and the beliefs that powered them through."

If the thought of writing a book is overwhelming, an ethical will—also called a legacy letter—is an excellent way to convey your values and beliefs to your children and grandchildren. Despite its name, an ethical will is not a legal document. Ethical wills also are written to express hopes, dreams, and blessings to present and future generations. A great resource is Ethical Wills, Putting Your Values on Paper, by Barry K. Baines.

The stories we share about our lives—our challenges and achievements, hopes and dreams, values and beliefs—connect us more deeply to one another. People find the journey filled with joy, love, and laughter. Many baby boomers and retirees understand that their personal legacy is one of the most valuable assets they will pass on to their loved ones. This is especially true as they grow older and gain a renewed appreciation for the bedrock beliefs and values that guided them through good times and bad.

One thing is clear: Whether it's an heirloom legacy book, a transcript of voice memos on your smartphone, a heartfelt letter, or a scrapbook with snippets of memories and vintage photos, your children and future generations will cherish the thoughts and remembrances you leave behind.