The Best Time to Write Your Life Story Is Now

by Linda Abbott

A show of hands, please, for everyone who:

• Survived Covid and Hurricane Ian.

• Has children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

• Loves to learn about their ancestors on Ancestry.com.

I suspect that in my imaginary room, more than 90 percent of hands went up. Now here’s where it gets interesting.

How many of you have captured and preserved your memories and stories for your loved ones and future generations, or made your personal legacy a pillar of your estate planning?

Not seeing many hands; that’s a problem, and here’s why.

I believe one of the biggest mistakes people make in their retirement and estate planning has nothing to do with money. The mistake is not bequeathing their non-financial assets—family history, wisdom, beliefs, and values with their loved ones and future generations.

I learned the hard way that life can change in a nanosecond. On a beautiful September day in 2009, my 74-year-old father—a hard-working, vibrant, and healthy (or so we thought) man—died suddenly of a heart attack. The idea of writing down all of the entertaining and heartfelt stories he regaled us with for decades had never occurred to me because, apparently, I assumed he’d be around for years.

Since then, I’ve met dozens of people with similar experiences. When I tell them I write life stories, they say wistfully, “I wish I would have met you two years ago.” Or three years ago. And then they tell me about their beloved grandmother, grandfather, mom, or dad, who passed away, and all the cherished memories and family history that they took with them. Their regret is profound.

Interest in family history increases as we age. A retired successful entrepreneur once told me, "When I was younger and building my business, I didn't have time to think about my family history. Now I do, but there's no one left to ask." His regret was profound.

So my message to the world is this: Now is the time.

The stories we share about our lives—our challenges and achievements, hopes and dreams, values and beliefs—connect us more deeply to one another.  They can be powerful motivators to our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  And seniors and retirees find the journey filled with joy, love, and laughter.

Don’t be daunted by the task. You don’t have to write a 100-page book or finish it in a few weeks. You don’t even have to sit at the computer and stare at a blank screen. Starting can be as easy as taking out your cell phone and recording voice memos. Here are some ways to get started:

• Talk to your family and friends; they will remember stories and people you haven’t thought of in years. This part can be really fun! Your trip down Memory Lane is a terrific opportunity to reconnect with your children, grandchildren, family, and old friends.

• Immerse yourself in the past. Take out old photo albums and watch vintage family movies. These “memory sparks” will help you recall more of the past.

• Throw out the rule book. Your life story can be as long or as short as you like. If you draw a blank about where to start, you don’t have to start at the beginning. Instead, share a story you love to tell, something familiar.

You’ll never regret taking the first step on this journey, and your loved ones will cherish the thoughts and remembrances you leave behind.

Linda Abbott is the founder of Never Forget Legacies and splits her time between Bonita Springs and Middleton, Wisconsin.

One of the Biggest Mistakes People Make in Estate Planning Has Nothing To Do with Money

by Linda Abbott

On a recent walk, I saw a park bench with a plaque honoring a mom and dad who recently passed away. Thinking about this married couple touched my heart; the bench was a gift from their children. In a secluded spot on a beautiful pond, I sat there, enjoying nature, the birds, wildflowers, and took in the moment.

As an author who writes life stories, of course, I wanted to know more about them. I wondered if they had captured and preserved their cherished memories, beliefs, and wisdom. I hoped so because if they did, their children and loved ones would treasure having this enduring legacy. If not, sadly, all of that family history is lost.

Many families just have a park bench. Or their name on a building or a scholarship. There's nothing wrong with that. But I believe one of the biggest mistakes people make in estate planning has nothing to do with money. It's not taking the time to create and share their personal legacy with their children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and future generations.

"CEOs and business leaders often think their legacy is about giving away money," said Ari Galper, CEO and Founder, Trusted Authority, and author of Unlock the Sales Game.

"But the story of their journey is never captured and shared,” Galper said. “A legacy book isn't an ego thing. It's a deeply personal gift to themselves and their families. It's about reflecting on their life and taking stock of all they've accomplished, the sacrifices they made, and the beliefs that powered them through."

If the thought of writing a book is overwhelming, an ethical will—also called a legacy letter—is an excellent way to convey your values and beliefs to your children and grandchildren. Despite its name, an ethical will is not a legal document. Ethical wills also are written to express hopes, dreams, and blessings to present and future generations. A great resource is Ethical Wills, Putting Your Values on Paper, by Barry K. Baines.

The stories we share about our lives—our challenges and achievements, hopes and dreams, values and beliefs—connect us more deeply to one another. People find the journey filled with joy, love, and laughter. Many baby boomers and retirees understand that their personal legacy is one of the most valuable assets they will pass on to their loved ones. This is especially true as they grow older and gain a renewed appreciation for the bedrock beliefs and values that guided them through good times and bad.

One thing is clear: Whether it's an heirloom legacy book, a transcript of voice memos on your smartphone, a heartfelt letter, or a scrapbook with snippets of memories and vintage photos, your children and future generations will cherish the thoughts and remembrances you leave behind.